It's been a long time

It really has been. A long time since my colleagues and I spent time together, enjoying one another's presence and feeling like we're a team again. Today we were given the morning to just get active. We played captain's ball and played station games. Had always enjoyed such moments. Precious time where suddenly all the worries, exhaustion, pettiness and doubts just disappeared.

There had been quite a bit of resignations from CCSS. My departments are not spared. It feels scary. What's wrong? Who's gonna do the work? Can anything be done? Should we keep them? Is it something we did or didn't do? All these, amidst the mountain of work to be done. Can hardly breathe.

I spoke to someone yesterday who passed me a resignation letter. I'm beginning to detest that feeling in my heart. That feeling of being left behind. Left behind to do the work. Left behind to face the music. Left behind to solve the problems.

It hasn't been easy for us too. It's been 2.5 years since Alan joined me. In my opinion, I think this job's cut out for him. If you get to ever hear him share about his vision for CCSS, you'd be convinced too, that he's a right fit. So why has it been so difficult? We've endured 2.5yrs of cold water being splashed at us, diminishing our ambers of passion. We've seen some fruits of labour, but not too many. But then again, the nature of this job goes against seeing fruits. It's not like an accountant, where balancing a ledger is a job well done (I think). Or that of a chef, where if you get the freshest and rightest ingredients, you will be able to come up with a creation nice. Counselling - on good days, you get a thank you from your clients. On bad days, your clients are actually relieved when you tell them you can't make it for a home visit. sigh...

How can we not feel shaken and worried? Even as one of the leaders in this organisation, I am worried. But how should I balance how I feel about releasing my staff with blessings, and at the same time be not flustered about who's gonna get the job done? Do I feel betrayed? A tinge, perhaps. Am I too hard on myself (like what zl said), I dunno.

The bosses are alot calmer than me, and that is a good thing. They are confident that this will ride through in time. Cos CCSS is God's ministry and He'll take care of it. I'll try to hang on to that. :)