A mommy's thoughts in a rare night of sleeplessness.

I couldn't sleep last nite! It's really rare. I love sleeping and the moments before I actually get into bed and fall off into slumber, I am actually exhilarated - cos I get to sleep. But once in a blue moon, I'll lie in bed, in full position to zzz, but won't be able to. Last nite and into this morning, I tossed and turned till I last looked at the clock at 230am. In times like these, I know I have too many things I can't figure out. sigh.

Before the kids went to bed last nite, I took out Joejoe's baby book and we did our one of our favourite things. We looked at his pics when he was still in my womb, we read some letters I wrote to him, we laughed at some of his growing up photos... He is one of my major worries. Sometimes I am simply reluctant to acknowledge that he is already 5. I have such fun with him, I wish we don't ever need to think about spelling, reading or writing. He's different from Megan in this aspect. The little girl has all these coming to her quite naturally. She's finishing up her books so quickly! The last count, she's reading 4 different Enid Blyton books at one go, and is able to keep tracks with who's who and what's what... Whenever she's got some time to spare, she's reading, writing, drawing. She's tackling P1 assessment books quite easily (don't scold me kiasu ok!) and love it that she doesn't need mom or dad to read to her anymore (cos we're always busy around the house).

Joseph is different. He can't quite read yet. Yes, yes, I know you'll tell me boys are slower than girls in the aspect. And trust me, I know children's lifespan development well - that's what I studied! But that doesn't mean I think we ought to just let things be. After a few months of trying out creative ways to help him to learn better and actively trying it out at home, he is slowly reading more. He managed to read an entire book we borrowed from the library called "Mommy, can I hug the fish?". So proud of him.

I was also thinking of my new work arrangements, with effect from Jan 2009. I'll be able to finally look after Megan myself for half a day, everyday, before she goes to P1 every afternoon. It seems like the arrangement I've always wanted and prayed for. But recently, I feel myself wondering if I can actually make it? I seem to be losing confidence in myself even before I start! It's been 3.5 years since I was a stay-at-home mom. Will I be able to balance a full job portfolio and a just-as-full household portfolio and now having to nurture our P1 daughter?

I'm also beginning to start a new ministry - after taking a ministry hiatus for nearly 2 years. I'll be starting to serve in our church nursery. :) Still dunno which age-group I'll be with, I have my preferences, definitely. I just wanna start serving God again. It's time. :)

I think all these is called anxiety. And that was what was keeping me up last nite. Our family still has some more changes coming up in the near future... will share more when it's time to be announced. :) There's one for each one of us, and one big one for the family. :D

Ok, I'm scooting off now. I hope tonight my bedtime bliss will resume!