Another Powerful Video... on a Father-Son Relationship

Hi folks! Here's another video to share with you. A video that left me with many feelings - feelings that are pulling in opposite directions. It also left me with some incoherence in my thoughts. So please forgive me as I ramble as this is a relatively sensitive topic for me and I'm putting myself on the line, call it stupid bravery (oxymoron isn't it) to come clean about it.



As you watched the video, what went through your head? Your role as a father? Did we pour out unconditional love? Your relationship with your father? Are we treating our fathers (parents) well? Did we honour him (including our moms)? Or how about how to honour our parents when the relationship isn't good in the first place? (I remembered one sermon I read or heard - called Loving the Unloveable. That was in the context of marriages/spouses but I think the title is completely apt to describe some of our relationships with our parents). And how many of us can be frank that sometimes our parents can be quite difficult or conversely, we can be quite difficult too.

But for us guys, I can't stress enough the importance of the role of a father and how critical it is to the success and the future of the child/generations. And when that relationship is not functioning, things go awry in our lives. The guys somehow will miss an important piece of jig saw puzzle. Let me put it bluntly - Guys crave for that relationship with our dads even though we do not say it. We act macho etc but face it - we crave for that relationship.

And unfortunately, my father and I never really had a fantastic relationship. And I do yearn for a meaningful relationship. There! I said it. Not easy to admit that but I said it! But after the big fall out some 9+ years ago (think most of my friends knew the story behind the BIG fall out - over my faith and my marriage to my lovely wife - whom I've just celebrated 9 glorious years of marriage - my best friend "Grow Old Along with Me, the Best is Yet to Be"), it has never been the same (not that it was the best prior that). Despite the fact that I/we made an effort to bridge, it never was the same. I still try to show love and care for him but ... My greatest regret.

He's on 1 wavelength and I'm on the other. Our belief system - totally opposites. His passion - this network he joined. My passion - God and my family (and nothing will change that). Our values - probably opposite (since my values are aligned to my faith and his values to his faith). The result - highly flameable.

Yet... I love my dad. I do love my dad. I mean - he was my hero. My dady's a volunteer police in his younger days. He tells me stories about his policing assignments, his plan to lay an ambush to catch some crooks, etc. I enjoyed hearing those great exploits. I enjoyed going with him to some of the clan meetings - hearing him talk to his business partners. I'm my father's son and obviously some traits rubbed off on me. Eg if I see something wrong and there's a great sense of injustice, I'll speak out. As a result of his modelling through his voluntary effort as a voluntary police officer, I try to strive to serve as a leader and finally taking God's leading to serve in the community sector for 3 years (of course, I also have to thank my lovely wife who is a fantastic counsellor who stirred up my passion for the needy in the hours of debriefing). And of course there are also areas that I dreadfully avoid, sworing never to make the same mistakes he made - including his fathering and parenting skills. (But I guess I often defended him that maybe that's the best he knew how to.)

My heart sometimes overwhelms with emotions for him. I wish I could do things together with him - go on a photography outing, gardening (he's really good at that). I recalled once, I called him up and asked him for breakfast and brought him to the old Cluny Road that sells awesome Bomb Prata. We had prata and coffee. No frills. Minimal conversation. Deep conversations - unlikely. Just father and son and was good enough for me. That was a good memory.

I have such a love-hate relationship with my dad and honestly, not possessing that hope to see a full restoration of the relationship. Sad isn't it. But is it possible to have a good relationship with our earthly dad? Yes we can. Definitely through consistent fathering - being around, being there for the children, to teach and guide, to model for them just as Jesus modelled for us. I recalled 2 weddings - 1 I attended and the other 2nd hand news. First, CY (the bride) told her dad - because of you, I never had a problem with my relationship with God the Father (paraphrased). How good can that get?? The other - I heard that TJ's father prayed a long and touching prayer over his son and the daughter in law. Uncle prayed a prayer of blessing. How cool can that get...

And I believe the relationships my 2 friends have with their dads did not come by in 1 year but a life time of investment by their fathers, of speaking and sowing into my friend's lives.

My model - God our Father. He has set us a good standard and have given us a good guide to follow. And with the Holy Spirit with us, and with us setting our hearts and minds to be a good father - I'm sure we can be good fathers too. We need to - we have to - for our children so that they will have no problem becoming disciples of Christ. Such that when our kids are adults, they will not run away from us but run to us to talk, to seek counsel, to chit chat, do fun things together, etc. God has shown His love by giving us His only begotten Son - despite all our sins and faults, He still gave us His most precious. His unconditional love.

So on this Maundy Thursday and Easter Friday, I just want to say I love You my Abba Father in Heaven... Hallowed by Thy name. Thank You for Your love and Your unconditional and amazing love. You have shown me how to be a good father. I've had my mishaps, my trip ups but by Your grace, You picked me up and showed me the way to be a good father to my children, a good husband to my wife. There are no words to express my gratitude and love. In You, I found a fathering relationship that has poured out unconditional love, trust, no condemnation even though I once was a prodigal son. Thank you for your amazing love, for Your stubborn love.

Here's a video to end off this entry... Team Hoyts


Blessings!