我不愿意！

There is something I detest about working where I am. There are these people whom you meet in the pantry, the office corridors, the toilets and even in the lifts. They will feel the need to ask you how you're doing, despite seeing an obvious tired look. And then I will struggle either to tell them the truth, "I'm not doing too well, I'm exhausted, I feel like I haven't rested over the weekend, and my mouth hurts badly from all the ulcers and my wisdom teeth's manisfestations, I'm also freaking out about the possibility of going under GA for the op next mon. I am also not having enough of my husband as he is working 7 days a week becos of the Charity Walk and I just wanna go somewhere with him and ignore the rest of the world! So ya. It'll be great if you just leave me alone and let God alone deal with me." Or just be the nice person that I sometimes am, "Oh, yah, I'm great. Abit xian to come back to work, but nah, God is good and I am good!" Not that that would be a outright lie, cos God will always be good to me, and I will always experience Monday blues.

What irks me more is what their response would be. It's what I so absolutely hate! CLICHES!!! ARGH!
- Jesus loves you! Smile!
- We can plan but God knows best! Take care!
- Don't be scared! If you scared, how you teach your kids to be strong and courageous?!?!
- Aiya, tired then take leave lor. I sometimes also don't put my kids in childcare on Mon so that we can spend QUALITY family time together. You mean you don't do that??? Your kids are in childcare Mon to Fri, 8am to 7pm?
- What did yesterday's sermon say? huh? you forgot ah! Go and get the tape ah! And let God speak to you.
- That's what Parents will have to go through lor! Don't have a complaining heart! We all go through this!
- Trust God lah. Where's your trust?

FED UP.
Do I look stupid to you? Do you think I can't think of these things myself? Do you think you know me that well to pass judgement on me simply becos you think you are more "spiritual" than me? LEAVE ME ALONE!
Do you know my children, have you heard them confide in you that I haven't been a good mommy? Have you ever been in my position to consider all that I am dealing with? NO! You wouldn't, cos I will never allow you to. You are and always will be a stranger who spews cliches that mean NOTHING and have sub-zero EQ. My children will always be Angels in my eyes and I won't comment on yours.

I will not know God through you. He is my God and only He knows the pain in my body, and ache in my heart. I will work within the limitations of His timing and purpose for this season of my life, my marriage and my parenthood and strive to be the best, only to be judged by Him alone.

In the meantime, for real frens who genuinely ask me how I am doing, pls pardon me if I just politely tell you, "Oh, yah, I'm great. Abit xian to come back to work, but nah, God is good and I am good!"

Just let me hide in my occasionally hermit's shell for a while so that I won't have to sin with my judgement. THANKS.