Aggrieved

Hi everyone! Happy Lunar New Year! It's been a while since both Sally and I updated our blog. We've been so busy since the start of the year. I've just been learning and reading and have to plug myself into the flow and get into the groove. And I'm just so thankful to God for seeing us through. So thankful to Sally for holding the fort at home. Honestly without her, I don't think we would have been able to make any sense through January.

January was also a period of catching up with some friends from Australia - friends we've known for more than 10 years. And when they were at our place, we talked till almost midnight and that evening, we poured out some of the issues that we were facing and I realised that I've not really gotten over the issue of inaction to right a wrong done to my son.

Not that I've any bitterness harboured in my heart. I'm perfectly fine but I'm terribly disappointed. I'm terribly disappointed that nothing was done and the perpetrator (assailant's father - walking around with a smirk on his face, wearing an invisible SL tag) went about his business, and the assailant is still in the school. No apologies from the assailant's parents (for the life of me, I can't understand why the parents still think that it's right not to apologise when their son made such a grave mistake. If I'm the parent and my child did something wrong, I would be so terribly apologetic for causing grief to the other party and will probably offer my apologies unceasingly and perhaps try to make atonement and do my best to address the issue. In this case, the parents didn't do anything.)

I'm not sure if the school had done anything, if they've insisted that the boy be counselled or whatever. We, as the parents, were not informed of the action taken. No closure. No accountability. For the good of my son, we pulled him out of the school. I sure hope the boy is not up to any mischief and hurt another child.

Right now, I step into PL or Adam, and I see Rev "Jane Doe", I have nothing but contempt towards her. She doesn't command my respect at all. For whatever reasons she claim, all I hear are excuses and incompetence. And I am also disappointed with Ps "John Doe" too. Instead of justice, he made a comment which was biased and did not alleviate the situation. Instead of justice, he made it worse. All we had wanted was for him to step in to right a wrong and 讲句公道话. But there was none. We lamented to our mentor but we know her hands were tied. We were alone. So very alone. Aggrieved.

Honestly, I try to stay away from the centre as much as possible. Hence, stepping down from worship leading is a good thing for me. Cause I can't face the "hypocrisy". I cannot lead in that sense of abandonment, seemingly weighed down.

Honestly honestly, I've even contemplated leaving. I did my research, checked out numerous websites, visited a couple. Hoping to visit some more. I've not decided to stay or go. I've been asking God. Or maybe go to district. That's farther away from the centre.

In the meantime, I'll continue to pray and hope that God will vindicate and give me justice - for my son and for a very aggrieved father who, if not because of God and our mentor and my own conscience that has restrained me thus far, I would have taken the gloves off and fought this at all levels and I can guarantee you that it will be a very very bloody outcome and I will leave no mercy to the other party (metaphorically - I'm not talking about physical violence). (I guess not many have seen that side of me - my wrath is not something to trifled with).

I guess in the meantime, I hope that God will continue to heal me as I continue to learn to release this to Him and prayerfully, let time heal this scar in my heart. Will the Ps Doe-s ever regain that confidence and respect in my heart, I can't say for sure. It may but not for a long long time.

As I'm writing this, I'm reminded of Jacob's wrestle with God and be tenacious and wrestle this until God releases His vindication.

Restraint. Patience. Long suffering.

Sometimes, I ask God why we have to go through this... I'm sure God's trying to teach me something and I'm trying to know what's the moral of the lesson. One day I'll know.