In my blood

It's finally been announced. My almost 12 year long tenure at CCSS is finally going to come to a conclusion. Most of my colleagues didn't seem very shocked. A few have spoken/emailed me since to ask about my decision. But most seem to have seen this step as a natural one with the coming of Baby 3.

I've informed the bosses about it since April this year. At that time, the department didn't quite have someone for me to handover my duties to yet. Many things were still uncertain and I had quite a big load on my shoulders still. I thank God that 6 months on, there is someone who now has the capability, as well as the availability to lead the team. He has grown in leaps and bounds. Watching him at work, making decisions, leading and facilitating the team, giving talks, assessing cases, coming up with treatment plans and goals for his counsellees -- all these and more, I am thankful to be right here to witness his growth. He's been put on the fast track cos my days in CCSS are numbered. Thank God he has risen to the occasion and has earned the respect of the rest of the team. When I see him at work, I feel a great sense of pride, knowing that I had a part to play in moulding the practice of this exceptional young man in his social work/counselling journey. And I can finally leave the department in his safe hands. :)

It wasn't an easy decision. 12 years is a long time. CCSS has been in my blood and I will always believe in the call the Lord has placed upon this unique organisation. I'm leaving not because I do not agree with the leaders, or I've been mistreated. And I'm also not leaving for the forthcoming arrival of our little baby gal in 2010. I'm choosing to leave now so that I can concentrate on Megan and Joseph during this pivotal time of their lives. Alan and I have talked about this for the longest time. We've tried the various different combinations to try and make it work. But it just hasn't. While I've successfully nurtured Megan in her first year of primary school, I feel like I haven't been doing my share of the work in CCSS justice. And although the Lord has been very faithful in tiding me through cases after cases, projects after projects, meetings after meetings, I can't help but feel like I'm burning on both ends of the rope.

I'm thankful cos since I've come to this decision, the Lord's been affirming me and the labour of my hands through countless successful cases of counselling. Couples reconciling, individuals moving on from their trauma in life, parents and children talking again. I've received more emails and letters in appreciation this year than any other year. I know the Lord's using this to tell me that my work has not been in vain. Though results are slow in coming, the principle of sowing and reaping is certainly in place. Thank you Lord!

I will miss the many things about the office. Mostly the wonderful souls in my department, past and present. And of course, there are sights and sounds and people I will miss more than others! I must say that my emotional ties to CCSS is not as strong as before, maybe the Lord's weaning me off it through my part-time working arrangement. There are some colleagues I don't meet at all! I don't get to have lunch with anyone of them anymore either. And I'm always rushing around to get this done, get that settled - I don't have time to banter and chat like I always used to. So this will perhaps make leaving easier... I dunno.

The other day one of the closer colleagues asked me, "Sal, what's the first thing you'll do when you stop work?" I told her, "I will start by taking an afternoon nap everyday." It sounds great, doesn't it? I'm tired. And the two months of time all to myself will be much anticipated, cos when Baby comes, we all know it's a brand new chapter! So yeah, a daily afternoon nap after I send Meg and Joe to school is definitely on the cards.

A few people have commented that I'll have an easy life from now cos I'm heading in the direction of "Tai Tai" life. How wrong can one be. And I can't even be bothered to correct them anymore. The tasks and demands of a SAHM cannot be compared or fathomed by someone who's never been one, or had the same amount of children/housework to handle. I don't proclaim I can definitely take to it like a fish to water, but I reckon I'm game to try. And I'm ever thankful that Alan is supportive, as always, understanding and believing with me on what is important to him in life and what can take a backseat for now.

So, yeah, another new chapter awaits. :)