In Our Eyes...

Maybe I'm just feeling a little down or melancholic. Or it's just the blues that come along with the start of a new year...

Been struggling with some issues in my heart. And have been a little more reliant on make-up these days to avoid questions from well-meaning frens and family.

When Alan looks at me, I wonder if he sees the girl he fell in love with or a tired me, one who struggles to find time for a haircut, or one whose constantly pottering around the pack this, keep that, file this, chuck that. Or does he see the lines that've found their place next to my eyes recently?

Or maybe it's the same as when my children look at me.
They hold my face with their tiny palms each day, and decisively tell me I am beautiful, and that they love me.
Joejoe calls me his princess. Megan says we are the most beautiful girls in the whole wide world (READ: In her eyes) She loves to stay by my side each morning and watch how I put on perfume, choose my accessories, gasp over and over again at how pretty she thinks my hair is.

Can't hide anything from them. Megan will always be the first to notice that I need some time alone and will tell me, "Mommy, I will go play by myself first. But when you feel better, you let me know then we can be together k?" Then will come a squeeze and a hug and she'll leave me alone.

Joejoe told me last nite, "Are you sad Mommy?" And he will try his best to cheer me up. Last nite, he wore my sister's heels and made sure I will see how he struggled walking in them, knowing that that will surely crack me up.

Few nites ago, he woke up from his sleep and wondered into my room. This was the conversation that followed:

Joejoe: My mommy, can you come over and sleep with me for a little while?
Me: Ok. Let's go.

Joejoe: My mommy, why are you still not sleeping and watching the computer?
Me: Mommy still has some work to do, I'll be sleeping soon.

Joejoe: Will your boss scold you if you don't finish your work?
Me: Yeah.

Joejoe: Ok mommy, you go back and do your work, I will sleep by myself. But you must quickly finish k, so that you can sleep if not you'll be very tired tomorrow.

Speechless.

Where did my two darlings learn to speak like this?
To speak words that meet my needs, touch my heart and change the way I look at the cruelty and goodness of this world?

In my line of work, I see alot of people who are very mean to others - and these people are often people whom they once loved. I will never understand how a couple can leave my counselling office with one turning left, the other turning right, not even saying bye, just like strangers. SIGH.

Maybe it's time to get a breath of fresh air. To spend more time with my kids to see the world through the way they colour it. I will be happier, I think. :)

Thank You Lord, for Megan and Joejoe.

Forever grateful,
Sal :)