Inflicting Pain on My Children

This last two weeks have been difficult - it's always difficult when the kids get sick. But I must thank God that 2006 saw them alot stronger than the year before. May have been the Amway Vits (sponsored by their grandma) or perhaps they've already gotten immuned to the viruses that were passed around from the other children in the pre-school they're in. I choose to see it also as that God is sheltering them from those nasty viruses and bugs.

So, why was I inflicting pain on my kids?

It started when on Christmas eve, Joejoe had high fever for two consecutive days. We brought him to Mt A, A&E clinic (which incidentally is much cheaper than GP). The doctor ordered an insertion of a suppository (it's basically a bullet-like pellet that is to be inserted into his backside to rapidly bring down his temp). I told the nurse to let me do it instead of her. So I got my son to take of his pants (to which he told me "But shame shame mommy, auntie nurse is here.") and bend his knees to his chin like a prawn. And without telling him what I was going to do, I did it.
It took him 3secs to feel it and after wearing his pants, he ran to Daddy and said, "Daddy, mommy make me backside painpain." :(

Later he told me, "Mommy, just now you made me painpain, but it's ok. I still love you."
Unbelievable a 3.5 yr old tot can say this? Tell me about it. I'm amazed and re-amazed each day.

2nd occasion, Megan's right earlobe looked really swollen and she was complaining of an itch a few days before Christmas. I took out the "star" earring and realised that it was inflammed, with blood and pus oozing out. After cleaning it out and putting medication, she couldn't wear her earring on that side for a few days. And a few days later, after the ear healed, I told her we'd better try putting an earring back, in case the piercing closed up. That was the 2nd time I felt really cruel, we had difficulty inserting the earring, so I tried slowly and gently but firmly with the help of baby oil.

After 10 mins, she was crying, and telling me to stop. I knew I was getting there, as I could feel it. So I persisted. Finally, the earring went through. Sigh. I asked myself afterwards, was it really that important to get the earring through and put her through all that pain? I dunno.

And 3rd occasion - Joejoe suffers from atopic eczema. It flares up especially badly when he's fighting some virus in his system, like now. One evening, I was trying to apply some cream for him on his face. He hated that as it made him uncomfortable, and scared too, I suppose, to be putting stuff so near his eyes. He fussed and cried. I persisted. And that's when Megan walked in, saw what happened and said with her ever wise tone and voice, "Joejoe, don't fuss, mommy knows." Gosh. I instantly felt like crying when I heard that. Mommy knows. Since when have I credited enough trust for her to have such an undoubtedly strong faith in me and all that I do?

And those 2 words, "Mommy knows" really spoke to me.
How often have I told myself, "Don't be scared, don't worry, don't doubt, God knows."
He knows my limitations, my capabilities, my comfort/out of comfort zones, He knows my preferences, my threshold of pain. He knows how much more I can take. And He definitely knows what He can do to pacify me - like a Father knows His child. Like I know my children.

And so, if I ever need to insert another suppository, or clean out an inflammed wound on my children, I will do it with a better peace of mind, becos I know they know that "Mommy knows".

:)